It's been a while since I had time to blog so I'm hoping to complete a mini-series for homeschooling to help support you. I have had many questions over the past few months about how to set a routine for the children or do things while you live in a joint family system (where the nuclear family lives with the parents and siblings of the father.) 

I will preface this by saying many people have deep rooted opinions about whether they could/couldn't/should/shouldn't live with extended family however this article will not be discussing any of those issues. 

One of the main benefits of living in this system is the number of people around you. In an ideal situation everyone should have their regular chores to do and that makes life tick over quite pleasantly. 

These tips are definitely going to make your life easier but everyone has to be on board with it.

1. You also have to give people time - maybe they won't do it on your schedule or you won't do it on theirs but it is important to be reasonable with eachother and compromise- [I'm sure many of you hate that word now - I know I used to!]

It's going to be difficult if you are constantly counting what eachother has done, sometimes my SIL might be busy with her little one, another time I might be busy with one of mine, in this case the other one picks up the slack in the household and we get on with it- it balances out in the end. 

[For muslims: Islamically it is worth noting here that your children have rights over you but nobody else in the house has a right to your time and energy. If you wish to help them you can but remember your children come first. In a joint family - compromise and patience are two keywords that cannot be emphasised enough.]

2. Appreciate that you have help at home and divide the work: 

Meal times: 

Breakfast: Everyone makes their own, for their own families. 

Lunch: Leftovers from the previous day or a quick meal - salad, jacket potatoes, sandwiches. Again make/heat for your own family.

Dinner: This is obviously the biggest meal of the day and usually it will be prepped and cooked by 1-2 members of the household. Whilst the others help clean and wash up afterwards.

Meal times are family times and this is even more important in a household where everyone is coming and going and have different plans and outlooks on life. Setting a precedent in the house is important. We bond over our shared passions and what passion is loved or talked about more, than food?

Preparing food with the kids is a homeschoolers dream and we usually let the kids help with before dinner prep and after dinner clean up. More often than not - we enjoy dessert made by the kids after dinner. Again the kids enjoy making the food and having the family eat it too! 

Housekeeping:

3 Everyone is responsible for their own areas, rooms they use. Your homeschooled children can also take responsibility for their rooms and their learning materials. Boxes, shelves and bags are your friends here, if they need special clothing or equipment for an activity, after the kit is washed place it back in the bag and then put it back on the shelf ready for next time. I cannot tell you how much more difficult it is to find things when there is more than one person responsible for keeping the place clean and tidy. 

Which brings me to my next point.

4. Each communal area should be assigned to one person so during the day it's their job to ensure it stays tidy, for me it's the living room so I'll vacuum in the morning and the rest of the day just ensure the kids toys don't make too much mess- they're usually in my room or we're out so it's not too hard.

5. Get a handy-vac (cordless or handheld vacuum cleaner for messes during the day to save taking out the big vacuum cleaner every 5mins. It's great for the car too! )

6. Keep a box or shelf in the hallway for belongings that haven't been returned to their place, make it a game for the kids to be 'postman/woman' and drop things off to their owners. 

Now that the chores are sorted it's time for home education: 

7. Everyone in the family can teach your children something - even if they 'just' read a story to them. 10 mins a day of reading is not only helpful for their learning journey but also for their mental wellbeing. Reading also improves a person's concentration, verbal and analytical skills, decision-making and emotional processing. 

8. When living in a joint family use everyone's strengths to your advantage if you know your SIL is good at knitting or crochet, get her to teach your children and offer to teach hers something as well. 

9. Share the burden, teach children of the same ages together - one of you takes the 5 and under outside for a lesson and the other takes 5-10 for a more formal lesson. 

10. Between meal times during the day keep your children in their home education area or outside. If you know you have to make tea for everyone at 11am then make sure that's when you take a break, let the kids play or do some independent reading while you quickly do a job for the household. In the same vein make sure that the family knows you aren't available 24/7 for them. Your responsibility is to your children.  

11. Create secure boundaries - random tasks need to be done between 11-11.30 otherwise you're not free until 1.30-2.00. It doesn't matter how many times they call you ensure you don't succomb to the demands because it will make you resent them and you don't want that. 

12. Sometimes our children don't want to learn and it creates a lot of tension in the house, in joint families this is compounded with the grandparents or aunties/uncles to step in and 'save' the child from the terrible mother or father - this is really unhealthy as it teaches the child they can do whatever they like. If you find that this is happening all the time then again reassert your boundaries and explain to the other adults in the house that you need everyone to co-operate and uphold the rules. 

13. So, while they're little don't let them realise they're learning, let them jump over numbers to learn times-tables, paint, play, even sing rhymes and songs, bake and cook - all of this is learning and their brains will develop really well - [These tips and more are in my Homeschooling Preschoolers guide (click here for free download.)]

14. Home Educated children need less time to learn new ideas as they are benefitting from one-to-one interaction so be aware of that and also be aware of their attention spans. [click here to download the 'How long should I homeschool chart?' 

15.  Always focus on doing things rather than discussing all the time. [My daughters always said to me - Get to the point, mum! So I learnt to bullet point what I want to teach them. 5-10 mins is about all they can take of talking. So if you have to talk, explain one small part at a time. 

Now for the slightly tricky part:

Unfortunately in the South Asian culture where living with extended family is common the father isn't expected to shoulder any of the housework or tend to the children. It's a shame but it is what it is. When you live alone it's easy to get that help from the father but in a joint family the fingers start pointing and tongues start wagging.

16. My first tip is if you can develop a thick skin - do it! Let the comments roll of your back and keep reciting something in your head. But let's face it we're not angels and nor should we be so fight your battles but choose wisely.

17.  In the house create a private living area and a sleeping area - hopefully you have 2-3 rooms but if you don't treat it as a studio flat. Even getting foldaway furniture if needed. This zones your room and makes it a comfortable place to hang out. Which means less time in the main area and less time for conflicts! 

[I love designing interiors - just send me a pic and I'll help you with the layout - or search "Big Family/Small House" on Youtube for lots of ideas.] 

SAFETY NOTE: Childrens rooms should be attached to the parents room, put an intercom in their room or even a webcam so you can be sure they're safe. 

18. Parents should be the main educators for their children and whether its helping dad put together some flatpack furniture or do some gardening, fathers need to involve their children with whatever they're doing, Thereby removing some of the burden from mum and also bonding with the kids. 

19. A great time for family bonding is meal time but since that's reserved for the whole joint family create little pockets of time when you and the kids can listen to something read by their dad - maybe a religious text or a lesson. 

My husband is an outdoorsy kind of guy so playing in the park, swimming, horseriding -he gets involved in that kind of thing but unless its Maths he will stay away from teaching them - that's fine.

20. I always feel that mums have to help dads realise things more, we have to guide them and tell them how we need their help. They sometimes don't know How to help so they don't help, which is a shame because we're too busy to guide them. Just don't ask him for a glass of water in front of MIL! 

Let us know if any of these resonate with you and help your journey in any way!